What really happened on this day (you know, in addition to the wedding) is that I sat in a doctor's office with the girl in the middle, while a doctor told her and her husband and mother, that she for sure has breast cancer. Sat there while plans were discussed, medical pathways pursued, and new terminology was scribbled down and committed to memory. Disgusting words like chemotherapy, radiation, and mastectomy were "toyed" with. Felt first hand how very stupid it feels to say, "It's going to be ok".
And it's going to be. Of course. God's in control. But I'll be honest, there are MANY moments when my hands go cold, my heart trembles, and I spontaneously combust into tears and fear. For my friend. For the girl who is as dramatic as Carly. For the person who has always made everything funny (yes, even breast cancer!) For the mother of four boys. For the mother of some of the only boys who get and understand and accept Ben for being Ben. For one of the first people I met when I moved to Tampa 16 years ago. For someone who, for sure, doesn't have time for this. For the person who has made me view God in a completely different perspective.
Most days I can't even speak it.
I'm thankful though. For Hope. Not just for a, relatively speaking, Good Prognosis. But for the Truth that we don't endure this alone. You know, it seems CRAZY to me that I'm telling Debbie "You aren't alone in this..." and by "this" I mean "breast cancer". I can't imagine someone going through this without God, and the comfort that comes with knowing He has a Plan for everything. Even Cancer.
I'm also pretty thankful for ANOTHER friend to endure it with... Diane (left in the pic) is right there with me, feeling it all the same, too. We are working so hard together to organize and be supportive of Debbie and her family. We spend a lot of time consoling each other, too. We spend a lot of time trying to laugh together with Debbie, too. Bonding. Over cancer.
Sadly, it's an honor. To walk this road with someone. I sat behind her while she got her beautiful, long, black hair cut short. I watched in the mirror and held a reassuring smile on my face the whole time. The whole time thinking, "I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe we have to do this!" My heart was trembling. But I wouldn't change being there for her (emotionally and physically!) for the world.
This is where my heart and mind have been for the past month. Consumed. Praying.
We had another friend of ours start a face book page where you can look for updates. www.facebook.com/teamdebbie so check often to see how things are going. Here's the thing with Debbie... she's not a bit shy! Her heart is out there and she's the real deal. What you see is what you get. And she has some very real and poignant insights into her "situation". PRAY! Pray for her and her family. Chemo starts on thursday. I can't believe I just wrote that!!!!
And in the beginning process of all this... the only thing I could think to say to her (via text message) was to send her this verse, my favorite... Isaiah 43:1-3
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I've written much about this HERE... it's still the way I feel about those verses, and exactly why they are my favorite. We made them kind of the "Theme verses" for Debbie. Team Debbie. It is printed on the Orange Team Debbie bracelets we now sport.
Now I will switch hats to my NURSING soap box: Monthly Self Breast Exam isn't an option. Mammograms aren't either. That is all.
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