It started with The Marathon. Which ended up being a heart breaking disaster for me. 5 miles in, I knew I was in trouble. By the 10th mile, I was severely dizzy. By 13, I knew I wasn't going to finish. By 16, I started walking. And asking God to just let me be ok with not finishing. I was still dizzy. But I wasn't going to stop. By 19 miles, the Lady warned me they might make me Get on The Bus. I was still dizzy. This sounded wonderful to me. By 21 miles (ummmm, 22 according to my GPS), I got on the bus. Happily. It was yards from the absolute worst part of the marathon. And 5 miles from the finish.
All those months of near perfect training.
Not finishing was just insane to me. But, oddly enough, I was ok with it. It just felt like One of Those Things. They still gave me a medal. I mean, really Disney. I did pay for it. And again, oddly enough, I'm actually proud of it. For what it reveals to me. I should have stopped at 10 miles. I kept going. All our careful planning and training... doesn't always end at the Finish Line.
Then there was 6 days after the Marathon. I was still dizzy. And convinced at this point I must just be really dehydrated. But the severity of it dragged me into the doctor's office. Where he ran lots of blood tests. All of which I passed. He suggested an MRI, which I decided could wait. You know, until me and Google found a better diagnosis. Turns out, if you don't do what your doctor tells you, he calls and tells you that you really should do what he says. And honestly, by the following week, I was falling over. And scared. Also included: a trip to the neurologist. And of course, the MRI. Here's what was going through my head while I was in the MRI tube... this song:
Your fullness is mine
revelation divine
But, oh! To taste!
To know much more than a page
to feel your embrace!
For dark is light to you
depths are height to you
far is near
But Lord I need to hear from you
Be near, O God!
Be near, O God of us,
Your nearness is to us
our good...
I'm really thankful for a physician who is kind enough to call me with MRI results an hour after he gets them, late on a Friday afternoon. I mean, really. He could have just gone home for a nice weekend with his family. But he took the time to call to say the MRI revealed no tumors. Or any "real problems".
Oh. Right. I forgot to mention that in the midst of all of this, I was contacted by a different medical facility about the prospect of a new job. Which I had been praying about. I mean, praying for months that God would either make me REALLY happy where I was, or give me something so much better that I couldn't refuse. I'm often confused by God's timing. Well, not in hindsight. But in the midst of it. 4 days after my MRI, I agreed to a job interview. 15 minutes after an appointment with the neurologist. I literally left the doctor's office, quite dizzy, and went for an interview. The whole time I was thinking, What is going on?!?! God, You have kind of a sick sense of humor. The good news, (other than the fact that God forgives me for calling him sick) is that the whole dizziness thing was caused by a SINUS INFECTION. No symptoms other than dizziness. And severely clogged sinus' only seen on MRI. Crazy. But so easy to fix. I'm really thankful for the simplicity of that.
Then Ryan's Grandpa Tuinstra passed away. I'm really thankful we had just spent time with him up in Michigan. And of course, it was really great for him to FINALLY get to be in Heaven... but still sad for all of us. Only Ryan got to go up for his services, but I'm really thankful for that time he got to be with his family. I know it meant a lot to him. When we start the worship service in our church, quite often they make a point of saying that we are joining in with the saints who have gone on before us who are already worshipping God in Heaven. I just love that and for real, it has brought tears to my eyes for these past several months to think of it...
Overlapping this chaos was the insanity of Ryan's best friend going into drug rehab. And everything that it entails... because we love him so much, we stayed beside him every step of the way. And hopefully taught our kids the love of Christ. And unconditional love, along the way. Sometimes I feel bad that they don't know all the Bible Stories yet, you know, that I think Ryan and I had drilled into our heads by their ages... but then I think they have learned other stuff about Christ that I know I hadn't grasped until I was... well, last year, probably.
Then I started a new job. Which I love. But it was no kind of easy for me to go from being an EXPERT in my field, to not having a clue where the syringes are. For the record, I now have a handle on that, at least!
Huh. It all sounds pretty trivial. Now.
Except for what I learned through every step of it... all of this.
Reveals my need for Christ. Sometimes I think that when things are going smoothly, I forget. It seems like I'm getting by just fine on my own. Or even if I realize God's getting me through, I don't always feel the gravity of my need for Him. And I kind of love that there have been so many, many avenues of this Revelation this year already. I need that to keep my heart tender and raw.
So, through my failures, through my health issues, through losing a loved one, through the gift of a job and financial provision, through our friends addiction, through anxiety over my children's exposure... I see how much I need a Savior.
And I'm loving this Natalie Grant song right now.
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live
it's unfair....
This is what it means to be held
how it feels when the sacred is torn from life
and you survive
This is what it is to be loved
and to know that the promise was
when everything fell, we'd be held.
Sigh* Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, perhaps I can update the Blog with fun stuff...
oh. And for the record: Signed up for the Marathon AGAIN. Rats. I told Ryan I plan on finishing another one. If it takes me 10 tries. But I'm really hoping if I'm not sick, it won't be a problem. Because I don't want to have to try 10 times. That would REALLY stink.
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